jus recalled yesterday.. being happy and overjoyed because being single was gd.. laughed at a fren for being attached.. cos she was attached and she had alot of restrictions from her BF.. so i was laughin at her.. tellin her how free i was.. tat i can go out with anyone i one without havin any worries.. well.. things jus had to take a turn today.. a really big switch..
i was jus readin through friendster.. i saw somethin.. and the next thing i knew.. my heart beat stopped.. my mind was jus blank.. and its like u were super upset.. why this why tat.. but at the same time i was thinkin.. was there anythin i didn't know more abt? is her feelings real? and i realise.. i was on a doubt.. i'm back to the same old city.. same old rules.. same old feelings.. everythin.. all the same again.. N the old feeling of happiness is GREAT.. and the old feeling of being upset jus sucks.. i left her.. twice.. now.. she has always been arnd.. and me.. takin her for all the grants in the world.. but, how? how do u prove someone somethin? but, at the same time. i was thinkin.. so wad if u had her? how would life be like? i couldn't see anythin.. the vision jus wasn't there.. i wanna b with her.. but, i'm scared.. i'm scared to give my all again..
i'm still not ok... still hurt by the past left by someone.. i wan tat feeling of hurt and fear to disappear... but how?? this is a F***ed up situation.. cut and left to bleed.. i was wrong tat i was able to heal..
i wanna move on.. i wanna love again.. but, its jus soo hard.. i can't.. fear.. how to trust..?
Trust... LOST...
[ i decided to start with you first.. but, i dun think its gonna b possible.. after all the damage i've done.. ]
m.C.