The WeeKenDs...

so on saturday.. met up wit mimi, fah and his GF... so jus walk around town.. so yeapp.. nothin much.. jus the usual.. and as usual, i disappointed mimi.. co i wasn't in my best mood.. cos very sadden.. so wanna apologise to her for dampenin her spirit on tat day.. so yea.. i'm sorry.. and i know wad i have been like.. so yea.. nt someone everybody wants to favour.. so yeapp.. was jus selfish of me to jus think of myself only.. but, its really hard..

now.. things are better.. today.. sunday.. met up with cindy at starbucks.. so yea.. jus talk talk lor.. anyway jus to let everyone know tat i didn't really mean to think of suicide la hor.. jus 5 second thought only.. so it isn't really serious.. now thinkin back its silly.. so no worries.. i mean at least now i understand myself better.. cindy thanks for everythin.. so yeapp.. and also wanna thank mimi for being there for me also.. so thank u.. den after that met KL, gim wei and YL at 85.. go there makan.. so all five of us makan together lor.. nothin much uh.. jus talk talk.. nothin new nothin special..

its kinda weird tat the ppl u hope the most to care for u don really seem to b there.. but all those u least expect somehow tend to be there.. things are now more or less settled already.. this really shook me up.. hmmm.. do i really need a holiday?? now i'm really blur.. haiz.. ting tong..!!

i'm ok.. i'm fine.. i'm straight.. so cindy pls don think tat i'm really gonna end my existance.. cos i dun think i'm gonna.. i mean i'm nt goin to.. yes, i'm am certain and assured tat i'm nt gonna kill myself.. so no worries..!!

totally was inspired by this guy who sang maroon 5 - she will be loved.. durin the trip to town on sat.. he sang it really really well.. really inspired by him.. he sang it really well.. i dunno how to describe to u but it was really solid.. he kinda sang it in his own version.. love it..!! i think if gals were to hear his voice they will definitely go gaga over him.. hahahaha.. oh well.. i think tat is abt all for this entry..

[ ChapTer ConTiNueS... HisToRy caN WaIT... ]


m.C.

indirect gratitude..

unstable.. i'm feeling unstable.. no mood.. no life.. no soul.. lost.. all gone.. good bye..

happy?.. i dunno..

today.. had my nafa test.. even though it rained i still had it.. forgot to bring my wallet.. stupid.. of all things i forgot my wallet.. i jus wrote an entry a few minutes ago.. all jus suddenly disappeared.. all my emotions inside.. wahh.. wad else can happen to me now..

headed to school today with an umbrealla.. now everythin seems slow and sad for me.. my heart jus seemed liked it was being drenched with saddness.. heavy and painful.. a slow process.. now all songs jus seemed so right for me.. emotional songs.. the rain.. as i was walkin to school with the umbrella had alot goin through my mind.. memories.. everythin jus seemed like some drama or somethin.. the music, the atmosphere the wind and the rain.. the slow movement of the rain drippin off the umbrella.. jus feel sad.. feel like...... nvm...

nafa was fine.. met KL after school.. before that.. saw my damai teachers.. one whole group of them.. wah lau.. tried runnin away from them so tat they won't see me but somehow when i gt to the other side and i thought it was the right thing to do, i met another group of them.. and this time it was worst.. saw even more familiar faces.. and i jus had to face them.. but, things didn't turn out as bad as how i expected it to be.. i guess, no matter how hard u try to run away from somethin, it will always come back to u.. no matter wad.. so i guess its best to settle it no matter wad..

met KL and YL after tat.. crashed for a while den met them and headed to town.. soo wasn't myself today.. and it was really nice that they tried to cheer me up.. put a smile on my face.. i did smile.. but somehow it didn't really last for more than a min.. somehow i woud begin to feel the heavy heart again.. and the whole face jus goes into sad mode.. haiz.. i dunno wad to do.. den after that went to converse.. sat outside, and the shop opposite was playin really emotional songs.. i jus went "blank" memories again.. den YL say "marcus, don sad until like tat la.. like wanna cry like tat... must think positive" i think tat was wad he told me.. i guess i wasn't even aware of wad state i was durin that part of the time.. they told me jokes la.. i laughed a lil.. they were nice.. i mean, ppl would have gt irritated wit the sad face i have la.. but, they were cool wit it man.. and i think it isn't gettin really good cos babe watch wasn't somethin for me today.. somehow i wasn't feeling any thrill.. nothin.. and all i wanted durin tat part of time was jus the old favourite.. like nothin beats her.. i dunno y.. but i guess it has come to a stage where i jus simply loved everythin abt her. includin the nt so gd side of her.. haiz..

met gim wei after that.. he joined us kinda late.. told him abt the plight i'm in now... he told me tat the state i'm in is gonna be like this for quite a while.. this feelin.. is really hard, somehow it gets soo bad its as though u'll never b happy again.. like u dun understand the meanin of smile and happy.. haiz.. cheerless describes it best.. they gave me advises.. feel good comments.. was really nice of them.. then after that went to play pool.. i didn't play.. didn't have the mood.. KL ask me to go play some music on the jukebox.. the pool area had this jukebox where u have to pay 2 bucks for 2 songs.. but, i spend abt 1 dollar plus for a total of 4 songs.. played my fav songs.. and there was this song i would always play whenever i was there.. KL knows wad it is.. i think some of them know wad my fav song is.. and gim wei was also nice la.. he sponser me one dollar to play music of my choice.. so is this the benefits i get for being in this depress state?.. i dunno.. but owe a million thanks to them.. now thinkin back.. they were nice.. really nice.. KL also wanted to sponser me some coins to play music.. felt kinda better after hearin the music.. so slightly better..

after that headed to cine leisure.. babe watch.. again, no kick for me.. felt nothin.. jus wanted the old fav.. somehow it is really bad cos no pretty gal can beat her or somethin.. cool hor?.. but no.. it hurts.. den had memories flashin back.. the time i was wit her at cine leisure.. the movie i wanted to catch wit her.. but i guess she doesn't remember.. den had this babe chase mission or somethin.. nvm abt tat.. totally cheap thrill.. and after that jus sat and chill for a while den headed to 85..

ashley and cindy met up wit us over there.. makan.. den talk a lil.. den i headed home like tat.. couldn't stay for long, was afraid i might miss the bus.. gt home save and sound..

somehow i really dunno how to carry on.. i gave up everythin.. broke someone's heart.. ignored advices, lost a friend, became bad guy, was being made fun of.. and.. outcome, isn't really nice.. i followed my heart.. my mind told me tat it isn't gonna b easy.. but, it was the strong feeling i had in me tat its gonna be alright cos there is her.. somehow i'm jus thinkin if i shld jus put up an act and act as though i'm gonna be fine or shld i jus let myself be who i am in this cheerless state.. my mind convinces me tat i'm gonna b ok.. but, my heart jus aches constantly.. tears jus somehow feel like comin out but the mind tells me not to.. some of my friends told me to jus let it all out.. cindy also told me to jus let everythin out.. but.. i jus can't seem to b able to do so.. how?.. jus feel like huggin someone and let everythin out.. its really scary tat i have thoughts of endin everythin i have.. end my existance.. it jus feels as though i suck tat y the outcome is like tat.. and like if my presence isn't around its gonna b better.. i dunno.. but, somethin made me stop.. friends and family.. they do need me.. i'm nt tryin to make myself sound impt but there are certain things i don fill up here.. only i will know.. and there are many things to be done.. but, jus really wish for a miracle right now.. i've lost almost everythin..

i dunno wad will be the outcome of me.. wad will i be like... workin on it day by day... jus hope tat i won't cause any unhappiness with anyone because of my present state.. nobody deserves a pass on depression.. hmmm..

[ i have also been listenin to track 9.. to me it is like a song abt us.. or a song abt me now.. they know its my fav song.. tat was wad i have been playin whenever i was at the pool area.. thought u were suppose to get back to me at "9t" or somethin i guess u forgot.. ]



m.C. --> Faint Hearted

BeaTs....

heart rate of mine jus hanged.. stopped.. slow down.. whatever u call it.. the moment u feel breathless and like someone jus grab ur heart and prevented u from breathin.. the feeling is so hard to explain...

so.. now it feels as though there is a gun pointin to my heart right at this very moment.. u feel scared and nervous thinkin whether the shot will be taken.. u fear, u shiver and u tear.. but, no matter wad u'll always try to put up a brave front jus to convince urself tat u're gonna be jus fine even though the gun is being fired directly at ur heart.. and tat there is an after life after all this pain.. the feelin of a heartache is soo painful and hard to describe.. there is no cure to it.. but jus the person who has the key.. and its a key which u pass the person soo willingly.. with trust and love.. now.. i'm the victim.. i dunno wad i shld do now..

self created problems.. but, i dunno wad to say.. now things aren't turnin out tat wonderful.. someone is busy wit her life and i think jus shut me down or somethin.. another one is makin a decision.. i dunno.. now its all on me again.. and time is somethin.. really somethin.. the more u drag on, the more faster things will change and take its different places.. and if u waste even more time, somehow things might jus turn out even worst den u can ever expect.. its scary..

feel like disappearin again.. wanna run away.. i guess i wasn't meant to love..

[ i know u love me.. and i know u also dun wanna break his heart.. u do wad u wanna do.. change or no change we'll see.. i know u still b there...... but.. as a different person... things will still change.. its ok.. i also dun wanna b unfair to him also.. he has every chance too.. ]






m.C.

应该等待还是离开................................

ReGuLaR Friday........

school was fine.. things were the same..

chilled out at town today with khim leng, ashley and yong liang.. same old thing except ashley and yong liang each bought a pair of shoe.. so tat is abt all...

missed my long time "sunshine".. jus remembered abt her.. wonder wad happen to her.. its been months since we last spoke...

today wasn't really ok for me.. when i was chillin out wit my peeps.. in the afternoon.. a bit upset wit the remarks given by someone.. i'm guilty as charged wit the crime of irritatin someone.. and jus wanna thank my frens for tryin to cheer me up.. thanks..

reviews of my past doings... since i was a kid.. while on the way home.. with the setback of emotional music.. felt like cryin.. right now.. i'm longin for a hug..

[ oh.. so now someone is teasin me huh.. hmmm.. wait till i see u, u're gonna get somethin from me.. *evil laughter* =) ]

m.C.

LuNcH TaLk...

today... also another one of those weirdest days.. hehe.. it happen during lunch.. ok.. anyway i jus wanna apologise for nt wishin this two impt ppl in my life.. lil one and my lil sis gd luck in their tests today.. cos i was really very very tired tat i forgot almost everythin i was doing.. so jus wanna apologise to them.. i'm sorry..

ok.. anyway back to the story.. this group of girls were sittin behind us.. i was with khim leng and qing jie.. wad they were talkin abt was really loud and not very good of a topic to be talkin abt either.. they were talkin abt breasts.. hahaha.. i think one of them said somethin like if she doesn't eat her boobs will become smaller and if she eats her boobs will become bigger.. hahaha.. OMG.. khim leng and i were like lookin at each other laughin la..hahaha.. so funnieeeee.. den i think they talk abt clubbin la.. marriage la.. i dunno la.. everythin under the sun i guess.. they were nt shy abt wad they were talkin abt.. and they were also talkin rather loud abt it too.. hehe.. hai yooo.. honestly.. i find it kinda cute.. hahaha.. ok.. so this was somethin which really made me laugh today..

ok.. next.. this few ppl... i think they bought this aeroplane.. somethin like a remote control type or somethin.. they were kinda flyin it around the stadium.. den it was rather windy.. and i think the guy somehow over did it and it flew very very high and ended up landin at the swimmin pool area.. and guess wad.. after school while i was on the way home i saw them again.. they were lookin for the plane i guess... they were outside the school.. hahaha.. lookin for the plane again.. i really wonder where flew it this time round.. hahaha.. and i heard them talkin abt the price of the plane.. 40 bucks.. hahaha.. i was really shocked to see them again.. hahha. i think this time they really lost the plane.. hahahaha.. it probably landed at someone's house or somethin.. kakaka.. ok.. i'm bad..

so today.. watch patch adams.. the movie.. hmmm. helpin ppl so tat u'll forget ur problems and make urself feel better.. hehe.. wad a way.. hmmm.. so does tat ans the reason y i'm tryin soo hard to be there for everyone?.. sharks.. i really dunnoooo.. but can really learn quite a bit from that movie actually.. hehe.. so.. in otherwards i enjoyed.. yeaaa..!!!! so after lessons.. head down to the pool area.. dam.. saw this gal.. phoooooo.. she was rather good lor in snooker and pool or billard.. i dunno la.. it seems like she knows how to play both.. soo cool lor.. hmmm.. hehe.. nicceee. den met ah beee.. my fren knows him, cos they were once pri school frens.. hahaha.. nicceee. he was there playin pool also.. kakaka.. so i think tat is abt all lor.. the rest is nothin ba..

humans are programmed wit all sorts of different responses.. a few examples... anger, happy, jealousy, lyin.. etc....


[ hmmm.. u're nt stupid.. dammit lor.. how can he call u tat.. very bad uhh.. nvm.. i know u r nt stupid can le.. wad others think, dun bother.. hahaha.. so is this blog still dead for u?? ]


m.C.

Tues & Wednedsday....

ok.. so now its time for me to do an update on the stuff i have seen and all the weird things that has been goin around.. hmm.. ok.. we'll first start off with tuesday..

so tuesday.. i met lil one at night.. studied wit her.. she skipped her trainin.. so took the laptop down.. kakaka.. but.. i forgot my thumb drive.. so it kinda sucked actually.. couldn't really do much of my work.. heeeeeeeee... ok.. anyway i kinda enjoyed testin her on her work.. like wad she was studyin.. she was like sssoooo scaaared tat i test her.. but its all good.. cos she gt most of em right.. congratulations.. hehe.. nxt time will have more??.. hehe.. don worry so much la.. u can dooo it.. have confidence in urself.. i know u can do it.. jia you..!!

wednesday.. fine day.. dam tirin.. lil one allowed me to skip lesson.. and wit some rules i was to follow for that.. it was somethin like, if i were to skip lesson i wasn't allowed to use the computer once i was home, was not allowed to hang out.. and all i can do was jus go home and rest and not do anythin else.. i skipped lecture.. CMOS lecture.. two reasons why i skip the lecture.. first, is cos i can self study.. all the things i needed to study for tat module is available for me.. online, ppt and the book.. so i headed home wit khim leng.. and while we were walkin from ITE to simei station we saw this group of boys.. i really had no idea wad the hell they were doin but one of their friend was in the drain.. the big sewage drain.. i think if u were to take the mrt from simei to tanah merah MRT station u can actually see for urself how big the drain is.. and we had no idea how in the world the boy ended up in there and wad was his purpose of goin down to the drain.. so his friends decided to help him by throwin a dustbin down.. hahaha.. and i guess that was somehow somethin to help him gain more height.. but i can tell u, the depth of the drain was really no joke la hor.. so both of us jus continued to walk to the station.. and if u r in disbelieve abt wad i say khim leng has gt a picture of the boy in the drain taken from quite a distance.. hahaha.. its cool... hehe..

headed home... and totally crashed.. jus sleep lor.. den woke up around 8.. watch singapore idol.. i dunno wad to say but i still feel that the singapore idol wanna be's aren't tat wonderful.. hmmm.. its ok.. i guess it takes time.. after all its jus the beginning.. so i jus hope tat i would b able to see some lovely singers soon.. hehe.. ok.. so dinner was around 9 and i had dinner as a family.. and met khim leng, yong liang and gim wei at the coffee shop... so i kinda joined them after my dinner, introduced them to my parents while they were there.. so chilled wit them till 10 plus 11.. den talked abt girlfriends la.. hehe.. oh my.. and there were ppl watchin soccer at the same time.. so whenever there was a goal u can really hear ppl say goal.. and wad really made me totally amused is how seperate the crowd was.. is like the right section of the ppl watchin were fans of spain.. i dunno how to explain but u can see very clearly that both sides were of different supporters.. wooOoOoOo.. anyway.. GoOOoOOOoOo Scoccer..!!!

[ Thurs entry is in the next post.. go seee.... ]

My WeeKenDs......

ok.. weekends have been alright for me.. totally had a blast catchin up wit my lost sleep.. yeaaa..!! ok.. anyway jus give me a moment to recall wad i have been doin this past few days.. ok..

friday.. i skipped ava.. met up wit mimi.. took my laptop along.. had a really big issue wit it.. cos i didn't really have a proper laptop bag.. i didn't purchase it when i bought the laptop.. ok, anyway bought a bag already for the laptop.. so weee.. and i realise it really does ache if u're carryin it by sling bag.. jus makes the shoulder portion hurt.. so gt a back pack version for the laptop..

ok.. so on sat head out wit cindy, ashley, ashley's cousin, khim leng and yong liang.. and teck wun caught up wit us later.. so yea.. it wasn't really somethin to remember la on tat day.. except for the part where i saw david beckham gave a free kick and scored one for england.. it was nice alright.. beautiful.. and i dunno how in the world i spend my money.. i had 24 bucks.. and when i was at home.. i was jus left wit 7 bucks.. i spend alot on makan.. loads on makan.. hmmm.. went to 85 after tat.. oh ya, wanna thank cindy for givin me a buzz on the football happenins.. even though there was nt really much action goin on.. but nice of her to wanna let me know the happenin's of it.. so overall.. i think i'm fatter... yeaaaaa.. well fed.. kakakaka....

so today.. went to grassroot's.. jus totally laid back and relaxed.. before tat mum and dad headed to queensway themselves.. and i think my mum bought for my dad sports shoes.. and it was an airmax 95.. hahaha.. OMG.. so my dad is wearin air max 95.. ha,ha,ha,ha...ok.. nvm..so it looks kinda nice la.. damm.. anyway went to this restaurant to makan for dinner.. its very nice indeed.. the makan.. waahhh.. one word.. SHIOK.. hmmm.. now i kinda realise my world revolves alot around food.. hahaha.. woOOoOoO.. wad happen to the babes??? well.. i haven been babe watchin recently.. cos.. my eyes are reserved for somethin else.. hahahhaaa.. won't say.. u guess.. woOOOo.. laptop didn't really work well today.. somethin is wrong.. i have no idea why or wad happen.. but i guess i installed too many softwares ba.. some are pirated.. so nt sure wad is gonna happen next.. feel like reformattin.. hmmm. shld i???..

goin back to school tml.. hmmm.. damm.. if only school gave me reasonable schedules like someone i know who has soooooo many breaks.. haiz.. i also wan.. sob sob... jus hope tml will be a fine day for me.. and also a fine day for u guys too..!!

[ i can't really say much though.. all i can say is.. its ur call.. u decide.. i'll support.. =) ]


m.C.

Emotions..

today.. it was overall kind of an emotional day for me.. its a pure test of my heart and the understandin of why ppl feel a certain way to certain things they have in their life.. i can say tat each time i have a lesson of PIE (some moral education thing) i would always see an ans to my problems i'm encounterin in life.. like some ans period or somethin..cos right now.. there are loads of things goin on in my life tat require a lot of heart shakes.. yeaapp, shakes like someone grabbin ur heart or somethin..

had my practical test today.. made a mistake.. didn't really look at the words printed on the motherboard then kinda plug in the wrong pin.. i think there is some deduction of marks or somethin.. so lunch was as usual wit KL and qing jie.. after tat headed to the stadium to sit.. now its kinda a routine to go there to sit after lunch or somethin.. but, i do have to admit somethin.. they do have good views over there.. views of the environment.. and den it started to rain, den took cammy out and took a few shots.. hehe.. ok.. maybe i'll upload em or somethin.. den u guys can go check it out.. den see for urself if the view is nice anot..

so after tat all of us headed for PIE lessons after that.. KL had his own PIE lesson.. so today my PIE teacher decided to make us angry by provokin us or somethin.. she put up an act or somethin.. and durin this act it really made me learn alot abt the behaviour and thoughts of wad ppl go through.. and its seriously interestin.. i realise tat my classmates are all goody goody kind.. nt many or i think none likes to rebel to certain things.. ok, anyway her trick was somethin like callin us nothin.. like sayin tat we are nothin la.. blablabla.. but, i do have to tell u tat hearin her say like tat kinda made me feel shaky and a lil hurt and also at the same time angry.. cos i do kinda look up to her in a way.. anyway, i kinda suspect la she was carryin out this fake thing cos it was somehow related to wad we were doin.. way before tat we were all asked to draw or somethin den two of my classmates had to give negative comments abt the drawings.. so it was when she started to say we're nothin.. oh well.. so now i kinda know la, how it feels like if someone u look up to soo much turns ur back on u.. its hurts real bad.. serious..

den after tat, the teacher gt kinda pissed wit us for teasin a classmate of ours.. i can't really say much over here ba.. but i can say tat with low self esteem it really makes things worryin.. and tat a praise from someone can really do wonders.. today my eyes are like often filled up wit tears... cos durin dinner, i kinda discussed wit her abt wad i did today.. and she told me stories abt students being unconfident.. but, there was somethin i had to agree.. family is the most impt source of cushion in out lifes.. cos they are the ones tat keep us movin in life.. they are the ones where the praise sometimes means the most.. i guess, family really is the ones tat keep u movin in life.. cos they are the ones who know u best..

maybe i'll tell u the story abt the kid tat died of no praise.. story was from my mum.. she told me, and its also true.. this kid, nine yrs old.. only kid, and dad abuses him.. hits him, and makes him shove the snow outside his house.. his mum, cannot help him cos she is sick and sometimes can't protect him much when his dad hits him.. sometimes, he jus wanna join the kids playin in the snow.. when the kids was makin a snowman, he wanted to come in by puttin some decorative objects on it.. but the kids told him to get lost or somethin.. this boy was a quiet boy.. no one spoke to him in school, it seemed as though he had no friends.. this boy had a diary.. he writes all his daily events in the diary of his.. all his sad happenins would always go there.. den it was one fine day when everythin ended.. he was on the bus, the kids were as normal all noisy onboard the bus, but he.. he was all quiet sittin at one side of the bus..den he gt up, told the bus driver to stop the bus.. the driver wasn't really sure wad the kid wanted to do.. the kid gt down and jus collapsed.. the kid died.. and when the body was taken back for an autopsy the doctors could nt find the reason y he died.. everythin was fine.. so the police investigated.. and read through his diary.. they read this day were he wrote abt the best teacher in the world.. so the police went to the school and looked for the teacher.. they asked of the teacher knew this boy, and he say no.. he doesn't know the boy at all.. the boy wasn't in his class.. but after tat he remembered somethin.. he did relief this class for one period.. and this boy was strugglin readin his notes, so the teacher approached him and asked him if he needed help.. and the teacher helped him.. and with such a simple help the teacher gave the boy was soo touched tat he made tat teacher the best teacher in the world.. but, wad really made me sad the most is because the boy died of no love.. and it seemed tat his heart came to a stop and tat was y he passed away.. and so u see, wit jus one single praise and a lil help u give to someone can really mean a lot to them.. its the lil things u do tat makes a difference in their lifes..

i say family is impt is because.. if u get all upset wit the things outside, u know tat there will always be ur family to shower u wit love and care.. so.. overall i have learned somethin ba.. its all related wit love.. and i also learned abt low and high self esteem.. and i now too know who is and whose nt.. cos of the things they do.. jus learned today... hmmm..

Don put ur emotions onto other's weaknesses..

[ I guess i doo too know more abt u now.. cos there are situations similiar to urs tat was being talked also.. maybe similiar to wad u and i are goin through now.. or maybe more.. =) ]


m.C.

Second enTrY....

sleepless.. jus received news.. nt really good news.. but, its ok.. cos i kinda deserve it.. hmmm.. somehow it is indeed time which plays a part.. and right now.. all music sounds right jus for me.. the last time i check, no music somehow suited wadever i was doing.. i have a confession to make..

for this past few weeks or wadever i have been a real jackass.. yeapp.. i had a choice.. it was kinda a first time for me to have to b able to make a choice.. but i wouldn't say tat i made the wrong choice la.. jus tat things wasn't really wad i thought it was.. and made too many mistakes and cos bad things to happen.. tears were lost.. heartaches were exchanged.. its all my doin.. ppl advise me to do this and this.. but, i choose to follow wad i think is right.. so i guess its ok wadever the outcome might be.. i deserve it..

right now.. i really dunno wad is goin to happen.. somehow i feel bad things are abt to happen to me soon.. cos things jus doesn't seem so normal after wad i did, and decided to do.. its jus not lookin fine to me.. so i guess i jus wanna say sorry to whoever i have caused harm or hurt to.. cos i'm jus nt thinkin far tat is why.. whatever bad things that are abt to come.. i guess i'll be prepared..

loggin in to msn was pretty alright actually.. amir made me smile.. so touchin.. he say somethin like i shld take life easier or somethin.. i guess i needed tat.. all i can think now is all the bad things that are abt to happen.. jus pray now i guess.. and hope for the best..

What's Left Of Me.......

I muST ReMemBeR..!!

so.. school today was as per normal.. jus tat i've been takin quite a few breaks wit a few of my friends.. quite often actually.. hahaha.. ok.. so i've been actually kinda naughty.. so, it has actually got quite interestin day by day.. hehe.. cos i'm kinda surprise that they were sharin some things they actually gone through wit ppl they were wit, and i mean GF la hor.. so yea.. so we were in a group and jus talk talk lor.. hahaha..

and my friend asked me to accompany him to the toilet.. and i dunno wad came to him, he took this coin and unlocked the handicapped toilet.. and when he opened the door, there was somebody smokin inside.. hahaha.. lucky no one was in there doin some important business.. and i bet u're wonderin y in the world did we end up tryin to open up a handicapped toilet.. i have no idea either.. oh well.. its dam funny la.. hahahaha... way before we proceed to our lessons, kinda sat in front of the mirror.. den i ask them to gather den take picture together.. in the end, did not manage to take cos all we had was jus a 2 megapixel hp.. wasn't tat gd.. the quality was bad.. so i'm gonna bring cammy tml to have better pics taken.. was asked to bring her down.. oh well.. hehe.. hope tml we'll be able to take loadsa pictures..!! yea..!!!

wad i have learn today.. ppl in ITE dunno how to take care of toilets.. i think the guys ba.. cos the toilets have been closin one by one.. due to some unresponsible act.. haiz.. dunno how to say la.. two words.. " TOILET SPOIL ".. kakakaka.. ok.. i think i'm gettin more and more lame and my language is really getting to me.. oh my....

so met cindy for a while jus now.. rented some dvds for her... kinda gt confused wit wad she was tryin to say.. and in the end is jus tryin to arrange another day to have the dvd's return.. hai yoo.. i thought wad.. kakaka.. and cindy reads my blog..?? kakaka.. so sweet.. hehe.. anyway, today was mum and dad's anniversary.. so kinda had dinner all together at sakura.. damm.. my dad is gettin more and more childish... haiz.. jia lat jia lat.. and me..? i'm gettin more and more mature everyday..!! hahaha.. ok.. self praisin is in progress..!!

hmmm.. so laptop is comin tml.. 6 to 10pm... can't wait.. a lil excited.. hehe... jus a lil.. hehehe...
ok.. i think tat is all i have to say for today.. and nat is havin some motivational camp goin on.. i still don know why she has to go for it.. hahaha.. anyway, hope she gets somethin out of it..

its a pity things has got to turn out kinda bad for mimi.. hmmm.. i have no idea wad to say.. but, i think that u deserve better la hor.. there are really better guys out there.. jus hope tat u can really concentrate on ur studies.. do well.. for now, don think abt anythin else.. jus focus wad is necessary now.. u can do it..!!

[ You have something that i dunno how to describe.. don compare me wit wad other guys say.. i'm different.. i'll try to descibe to u if u wanna know.. i'm willin to try.. =) ]


m.C.

Conversation....

i've been thinkin.. do ppl in life really somehow jus simply take ppl for granted..? it really jus hurts to know that there are ppl who really don bother abt u till u're gone.. and its totally sucks when u thought things were gonna be for the better.. i dunno.. i'm havin this feelin again.. AGAIN.. oOooooooooOOOooooooohHhHhhhHhhhhhhh....

today's PE was totally strainin.. dam tirin.. my arms and tummy is really feeling the ache.. jus dam tired.. i guess school's has jus been normal.. but, things around my life..? one word.. PREDICTABLE.... i can somehow feel that there will be more sufferin up ahead.. received bad feedback abt the things i did.. not very good.. i'm jus nt happy at the end of the day..

the only thing that made me slightly better is the conversation i had with my brother.. we spoke.. i told him wad i'm currently goin through.. jus hope that things will be really really fine.. i'm prayin...

[ THinGs back to normal again.. Jus hOpe Is The Good things and not the bad.. i jus really hope.. i BeG yoU...]


m.C.

No STRinGs....

now.. the tables are switched even harder than ever.. i dunno wad to say now..

so today head down to the IT fair wit my mother.. and finally things are finalise.. i've gt my laptop.. and its from dell.. i know, its nt very good but the specs are pretty awesome actually..so its actually gd news to me.. so its gonna be delievered to me nxt week i think.. anyway can't really say its all mine.. its for me and my bro to work on.. cos both of us need it.. anyway durin the trip there i learned quite a few things..

first.. i learned tat i was fat.. hahahaha.. nahh, jus playin.. kk.. i had this question on my mind.. there was this kid who was soo fasinated wit the sound of fart.. no one was fartin actually, but all he was doin was jus lettin air out of the balloon and havin it to give out funny fart sounds.. and he was laughin like nuts.. so i was jus thinkin.. why are we so ticklish to the sound of fart?.. hmmm.. curious hor.. hahahaha..

and durin the trip to the IT fair.. kinda saw this mini exhibit of all the various awesome pictures la.. it was really nice.. totally love it.. some were really good.. and today my mum kinda wrote lines.. like write the same thing repeatedly.. hahahaha.. she was writin for the lucky draw thing.. so it was kinda like one whole stack.. cos we spend quite a bit for the laptop mah.. so yea..

anyway.. things are gettin much more depressin.. cos nat told me that i shld decide wad i want.. and wadever the ans is.. its gonna b ok for her.. and she also wants no commitment.. is somethin like as long as i'm happy or somethin.. but at the same time i'm also being unfair to her.. cos i can't seem to forget things in the past.. and its nt a really gd thing.. so right now.. i think i'll do wad i have to.. so jus hope for the best i guess..

[ Statement... ]


m.C.

CaN'T RuN...

i'm back.. oh yeapp... back after a long time.. to me its a break from all that is happenin around me... well.. wad happened?.. it was me.. i chose to play with somethin i shouldn't have started.. and now its movin on.. and i have no idea how or wad to do in order to make things right..

i'm now kinda not even sure if wad i did was right.. but i'm soo scared.. scared to have things back as it is and also movin on.. cos there are soo many things i can see comin ahead of me, and its not goin to be any easier for me.. i'll try to write over here as much as possible.. write how i feel and all.. but, sometimes i dunno if its good anot to write too much.. cos its actually worryin to have someone understandin you even better than urself.. i dunno wad to do or say right now.. feel like goin back, at the same time feel like movin on cos its really painful the last time... but, i'm also not even sure if movin on is one of the right things to do.. cos i'm also scared.. i have ppl tellin me wad i should do.. thank u guys soo much for helpin out.. and to mimi thanks for whatever things u've done to help ease the load off me..

feel like cryin right now.. like jus tearin lor.. somehow i feel tat if this situation didn't even happen i wouldn't know anythin abt anyone.. like how they feel, say , do and all.. somehow i jus wonder why must it take someone to step in, in order to make things happen.. like.. i jus dunno how to put it.. its somethin like a puddle of water is calm but it takes a shake to get things movin.. tat is wad i think la.. i may be wrong.. i dunno.. i dun really know wad to write.. feel like talkin to jie.. hmmm.. cos i really dunno wad to do lehz.. jia lat laaaa...

ok.. so school has been okok lor.. there is an IT fair goin on at suntec.. yay.!! so been there on thurs wit nat, jannah and amir.. so yeapp.. laptops.. goody gd gd.. i wanna get a LAPTOP..!! its really crowded lor on the first day.. which was on a thurs.. it was okok lor.. and in the bus i help them take alot of pics.. cos nat brought her camera.. so i help her take loads of pics of her, jannah and amir.. so yeapp.. kinda had to wait for the bus to come to a stop in order to have less blur pics taken.. so ya lor.. den in the bus gt this few ppl.. dunno army or wad.. talkin crap den disturbin this gal.. hahahaha.. dam funny la.. but, cannot anyhow laugh laugh.. later kena beat.. dammit.. kakakaka...

so fri. which was yesterday head out wit kl to town.. jus go babe watchin.. and they had this dance competition goin on.. hahahhaaa.. its was pretty cool actually.. some hip hop stuff la.. so yea.. nt bad.. and each of us gt this free thing la.. some blink blink thing.. hahaha.. niceee.. so after tat head down to 85.. so it was jus me, kl , ashley and yong liang.. so few hor.. cos most of them weren't free.. so jus gather la.. anyway it was alright.. den saw cindy lor.. a while only la, den i head home.. cos i was scared i will not be able to take the bus home.. so anyway, i manage to get home safe and sound..

school.. now there is another two more new students.. one is a yoyo pro or somethin man.. damm, he plays yoyo like nothin la.. so dam good.. the other guy.. jus joined us on fri.. have no idea wad kinda person he is like.. so i'm yet to see.. and my class is gonna have a bbq pit??? whoa.. so fast hor.. OMG.. i dunno la.. and.. i haven been studyin.. damm.. hahhaha.. must study soon.. haiz.. life.. sooooo unpredictable..

[ I Wish......... ]


m.C.