thought i could run away from all this.. well.. things will always have its way of keeping up with me and all.. us.. i had the best times with her tat early friday morning.. even though i had the worst things like the phone call etc.. it was nothin to me.. i came out with soo many lame excuses jus to have her by my side.. i spend 5 hrs with her tat day.. well.. it was short but all well spend.. well, qns maybe would b asked like so wad fun things did u guys did?.. we did nothin.. all we did was jus spend precious times together.. really together..
nw.. the qn she was stressin over was hw long were we gonna be together? till when den we'll say our goodbyes? and there was still the fate of another love story on the other side of her love life.. and it seems like he isn't doin too bad afterall tryin to get her.. he changed for her.. do things the way she wants him to do.. i mean, this guy is hella faithful and really willing to do anythin jus to be with her too.. and trust me, he is one hella nice guy also.. things are shaky now.. real shaky.. i was confident at first.. cos i thought there wasn't anymore competition goin on... but, somehow i was wrong.. there still was.. and to top things off he started chasin her way earlier than me.. and i was soo supportive of them back then.. sounds kinda stupid right? but, yea it was true.. cos i couldn't see it comin.. the thing abt me falling for her.. if u asked me abt hw i fell in love with her? i can remember tat one... sometimes i jus have this silly thinkin tat if both of them end up together i would feel relieve? i dunno..
and right now.. if i were to actually be frens with her.. it would somehow be soo much more easier.. she can end up with him.. and they'll last.. and everythin would b soo much more perfect.. yea, somehow wad she say abt hatin me does somehow sound kinda true.. right now, i too kinda hate myself for havin to enter her life.. fallin in love with her.. and right now, i have caused soo much complications between them.. like.. it was picture perfect till i came in.. like, i spoiled everythin.. destroyed.. well.. i think i am now jus thinkin back.. if havin to see from my point of view and through their shoes.. i feel i have done the biggest sin in my entire life.. and tat sin was to have things goin on with her... its jus sad to knw tat i've done soo much wrong..
i jus can't really describe the feelin tat even though u knw its soo wrong fallin in love with tat person u jus can't help but goin gaga over tat person over and over again.. and in the end all u're doin is jus endin urself and the other party into more and more complications and troubles..
i jus dunno hw to describe to u ppl hw much of a fantasy and love it was.. it was like a movie tat was soo sweet tat no one would watch cos it was too mushy.. and a love story tat no one would believe it would b possible to even happen in reality.. tat 5 hrs was really somethin to me.. now jus havin to think back.. i jus wish i could stay durin tat time and never want it to end.. even if it was jus sitting down and doin nothin.. jus lookin at her and havin her by my side was all tat i really needed.. its as though TV was nothin.. entertainment was crap.. and time was a pain in the butt.. like, there was jus nothin to worry abt.. nothin to lose.. and i think the feelin was somethin like, no one would believe that humans would b able to fly but, durin tat time.. it was soo magical tat even the thought of humans being able to fly was made believable and true.. if someone were to con me tat pigs could fly, i might jus believe him.. cos it was as though everythin was possible den.. i do love her alot.. like, she changed my life also.. is somethin like, if ur day sucked and jus havin her beside u will jus somehow make u smile on auto and ur life jus seems brighter and fine immediately.. and she had some guys sayin tat she isn't wonderful, jus somehow gets me thinkin.. are they sure abt wad they are sayin? i mean, i would do anythin for her.. almost anythin.. hmmm, feel like sayin if she were to ask me to rob a bank, i would rob man.. but, no la.. to a certain extend i will do things if she asked me to..
however.. we would nvr be able to run away from time.. every second every min.. i treasure.. i'm nt even sure if i shld treat every moment with her as the last time.. its jus soo hard sayin goodbye.. i did a video a video slide show of us.. of all our past pictures we had together.. i kept em all.. and i realise somethin.. it wasn't enough.. the pictures.. but, i really miss my camera right nw.. she was the one who help me made all this possible.. my memories.. she was the one.. she did it all.. now, i miss her soo much.. jus hope tat havin her repaired won't cost soo much.. i dun think i wanna have her replaced..
right now.. i dun even knw wad am i suppose to do.. but, one thing is for sure.. i better nt b confident again.. or else.. time with her would b cut dwn even shorter.. scary.. jus hope, it would nt end soo badly.. i jus hope and pray..
was this love right...?
[ I'm Sorry.... i would nvr b able to finish payin off my sorry(s) to u.. ur life.. i screwed it up for u.. ]
m.C.